Various dance partners have told me that I was too light
(every girls dream? Not really in this
case) too heavy (definitely not dream material), too slow, too fast, not
following, disengaged from my core, not connected and can’t follow. OUCH! …someone
please remind me why I dance? Anyway,
after the tears and dejection and repeated repairs to my dancing self
confidence, I started to understand that all those mean spirited comments were
really just dance buzz for “I can’t lead you to do what I want you to do!” And that is my fault why?
Partner dancing is really just a conversation between two
people about a piece of music. A
conversation requires communication and dance communication is called
connection. Since at our very best, humans rarely communicate well, it is no
surprise that communicating something as esoteric as how two bodies should move
in order to “talk” about a piece of music that each is likely to hear
differently…is well…at best full of scary pitfalls and at worst a recipe for
disaster.
Of all the different dance skills that I have worked on,
connection is the most elusive. There is
no single “right” way to connect. Like
communication, I have to use a different style or amount of connection for
every dance and with every partner. It
is simply a bit of luck, a bit of trial and error, and a lot of listening (yes,
listening…with my muscles, not my ears).
Connection is only “right” when it works and only works when it is “right”. It is not an easy concept to teach or to
learn.
Over time, I have learned that at least part of the failure
of any communication and that includes connection really IS my fault. You see connection is created by energy in
opposition between the leader and the follower, but interestingly connection is
created by the follow, not the leader…yes really. If the leader tries to create connection, it
feels to the follow like a lead. However,
if the leader creates the frame for the follow to connect with then the leader
can use that connection created by the follow as a baseline from which to alter
the amount of connection to create a the lead.
If the follower does not create the connection then the leader can not
lead. So truly, if the follower can’t follow,
the leader can’t lead…not the other way around!
Hmmm….that sounds a bit like life doesn’t it?
Today’s Dance: C ha-
C ha - C
ha
A fast, spirited Latin Dance that was imported from Cuba to
England in the early 1950s. Known for
its lightening fast footwork and (hubba-hubba) Cuban hip action, it is danced competitively
in both American Rhythm and International Latin competitions. Although the dance has a very distinct
structure of rock steps and triples steps, competitively the footwork has
become so fast and syncopated that it is often difficult to see the basic
pattern….or the ladies costume….
We're really like birds communicating in flight about which way to dive. Love this suggestion of communication between dancers.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thought on birds. I love birds and their flight really is a dance. I also think that dancing is as close as we humans come to flying on our own.
DeleteGreat analogy between dancing and life.
ReplyDeleteJust stopping by from the A-Z.
One of the best tips I ever heard about effective communication came from my university years. It was in Business Speech if I recall correctly.
ReplyDeleteThe professor, whom I did not like, said that the number one reason why people did not communicate effectively was because generally people do not listen well, but rather are thinking of what to say.
I try to listen well, always remembering what the prof said.